should’ve went solo…

So, to make a long story short my first choice of a date for Jasmine’s wedding backs out due to work obligations, as well as my second choice for similar reasons and come the night before the big day I’m looking like I’m gonna be attending the ceremony stag. As it turns out the night before the big day I met up with Robyn on the upper west side of Manhattan, whom I befriended a year ago through Douglas “Da Bouncer” Alexander and I pop the question: “will you be my date for a wedding tomorrow?” Robyn replies “gee, that’s kinda random….yeah sure I’ll go!” and there you have it. I had an 11th hour date on my hand. Plus Robyn is a photo nut and I figured she could have some fun taking pictures. I also pitched the fact that it’s an early wedding (started at 11am to be exact) and that we should be outta there by 4:30pm at the latest, and we’d still have the rest of the day to do other things.

Kool.

Robyn lives in Brooklyn, but happened to be apartment sitting up at her sisters on 86th & Columbus this weekend. Being the resourceful person that she is, Robyn did a great improv job for finding an appropriate outfit to wear for the wedding. Nelly lends me her car and I pick up Robyn bright and early in the morning. She helped me by printing out some MapQuest directions to the wedding which was being held in Rosyln Harbor, Long Island, just outside of Queens. It was a drop dead gorgeous day and the Swan Club wedding site was absolutely beautiful. Even the hostesses were exceptionally warm and friendly with kool footwear. Not too long after we get there Gabe & Barbara show up and we’re all sitting together for the ceremony (which was super short), and afterwords the reception.

Now here is where the wheels begin to fall off: once the main entrees begin to be served Gabe & Barbara have to leave because they have her family in from Nicaragua just for the evening (which was pre-planned) and they only found out about the wedding yesterday, so off they went. Then the other two couples at our table decided they wanted to sit closer to the bride’s family so they spilt too leaving just me and Robyn at this big table. Suddenly Robyn begins to express some apprehension about just us being at this “now empty-looking” table and then starts insisting to leave because she felt uncomfortable for not knowing anyone at the wedding. I try to get her to relax about it all but it becomes clear to me that she is not calming down about it and the last thing I want is to stir up a commotion at my dearest friend’s wedding. So reluctantly I agree to leave, figuring better to do it before the main course is served and minimize a scene, but not without first telling Jasmine goodbye. And I could tell that besides being surprised Jasmine was also disappointed, and even though I managed to drag nightcrawler’s butt out of the woodworks to attend the wedding, I wasn’t too happy about having to split early than expected either.

So on the drive back into the city Robyn offers up some excuses as to why she flaked out on me: “You hafta admit I was a trooper, it being last minute and all”, “I don’t usually last this long at weddings, I always get antsy after the ceremony”, “I’ve never been to a non-jewish wedding before”, and my favorite one: “It’s such a nice day outside, I didn’t want to be stuck indoors for most of it.”

WTF!?

And then to add insult to injury, just a block and a half away from dropping her off at her sister’s place, we get into a minor fender bender with the car in front of us coming out of Central Park on 85th street and she wants to immediately bolt out of the car saying “she’s just a block away”. Both cars pull over and I assess the “damage” which is nothing but a couple of microscopic scratches on the sides of our bumpers (mine was driver-side front and the other was passenger back) that could’ve easily been there beforehand. It’s a couple in the car with the husband being from Romania and he is insisting on getting a cop to look at it *ugh* so I humor the dude and stick around long enough for the (transit) cop to tell him the same thing I told the couple: “no one is hurt, just exchange info and be on our way”. In fact, it’s not even worth calling insurance over because the “damage” was so non-existent all it would do is increase both our premiums over nothing. However, them former soviet-block types don’t wanna get it up the ass any more than they got while living under the red curtain so I couldn’t be too upset with my gulaged brother for being such a stickler. But Robyn, there was no excuse on your end. It was bad enough you agreed to attend a wedding you knew you’d quickly tire of, but then you wanted to leave me high and dry when the auto accident happened. You’re a good girl deep down, and I don’t hate you or nothing, but that was just lame, lame, lame ya lame-o.

I guess the joke was on me because the lesson here is that next time my top choice for a wedding date cancels I’m better off going solo. AND watch out ladies because I WILL catch that garter too!

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