Over the years I have read many wonderful and insightful quotes made famous by various luminaries of our past and present times. I think they’re great and all, and I’ve even collected some for personal reference. But the quotable quotes that I have found to be the most memorable to me are the ones I’ve overheard between family, friends, children, students, co-workers, artists, comedians, and even strangers in public. Y’know, commentary spawned from the wrestlings of everyday life.

When I’m alert enough in the moment I try to jot them down so as to better recall them later; usually on scraps of paper lying around. I’ve been doing this for many years now, and it’s an ongoing process. But for every one memorable quote I’ve managed to collect I’ve probably missed 30 or so, regretfully.

Still, with the ones that I do have, I like to showcase them just as much as those famous ones are afforded. Though I do have some popular quotes peppered into this assorted list of confublating jewels of yap, most of the people presented here aren’t famous at all. Most likely they never will be, and chances are you’ll probably never meet them either. But this is their chance to shine in the spotlight and for all of us to celebrate their wit, charm, grace, and insight into the daily human condition.

Thanks to all of you, your commentary always leaves a musing smile on my face.

Enjoy!

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A ‘No’ uttered from the deepest conviction is better than a ‘Yes’ merely uttered to please, or worse, to avoid trouble. — Mahatma Gandhi

After the third or fourth time that’s as good as she is going to get, unless she goes to porn school. — Sara, on gauging a woman’s ability to perform fellatio.

All our prejudices went out the window, that transvestite was SO gorgeous! — Richard, on having a good time near Earl’s Court.

America isn’t overrun by rebels, it’s overrun by sheep. — Bill Maher, comedian

Any woman who says size doesn’t matter obviously hasn’t had a real dick inside of her yet. — Sara, on satisfaction.

Anyone who reads the bible and takes it literally should be shot. — Jamie Skillz, on intelliegent design.

As long as we see ourselves as different or separate, there can be no genuine feeling of compassion. It’s only when our compassion is born out of a completely other sense of equality with all others, enemies & opponents included, that we can begin to be capable of walking the paths of freedom towards reaching our goals. — unknown

At least he had the good sense to get himself assassinated. — Jeff M., on the usefulness of U.S. President Grover Cleveland

At least if you’re going to be deformed, be symmetrical about it. — Tia Susi

Because the pussy is being thrown in your face left, right and center! — Gabriel, discussing what’s so diffuclt about being around other women while married.

Because when I’m PMS-ing I need HIM to be THE MAN. — K-Love, on Ja Rule being too soft to be her main squeeze.

Bro, of course you have to come out, it’s $10 pitchers! — Bobby, an ethuastic rebuttle to whether it was really worth inviting another friend out to this lame sports bar we were lounging at.

But hey, if you want the rubber glove twice, we won’t stop you. — Tia Susi, discussing my pending doctor’s visit and the potential dual rectal exam for delaying the appointment.

But mine is a friendly roast beef. — Sara

But there is the dangerous threat that you may have to relax. Unwinding creates stress in the English psyche. — Richard, on way he rarely travels.

C’mon now, a black man doesn’t look good in green. — LNG, on basketball superstar Kevin Garnett joining the Boston Celtics.

Chocolates arrange in little faces and smiles doesn’t particularly ring any bells with me. — Paul McNeil, on sizing up the substance of a students work during a critique.

Co-MVP is like sharing a condom — whomever skeeted in it first has the advantage. — LNG, discussing the possibility of the NBA MVP award being shared by both Shaq & Steve Nash.

Come on now, andale, sivuplay! — Shawn C., on being multilingual.

Coming from an egotistical bastard such as myself, I love the French. — John C., discussing the misinterpretation of French conciet.

Cooler than the other side of Stuart Scott’s glass eye. — LNG, commenting on a ESPN sportscaster’s popular catchphrase.

Curiosity about life in all of its aspects, I think, is still the secret of great creative people. — Leo Burnett

Didn’t you hear?! He freed the slaves! — LNG, sarcastically answering why Abraham Lincon’s birthday is celebrated.

Don’t think you’re on the right road just because it’s a well-beaten path. — unknown

Either we can wait for them, or rather, in classic fashion, we’ll proceed on with the lecture. — Paul McNeil, on not being inclined to wait for late-coming students.

Enough of this Judo-Christian stigmata breast fantasy! — Richard, recapping a day at work teaching Russian students English.

Even animals in the wild aren’t that well built. — Richard, discussing stereotypes of Polish builders in London.

Even if you eat the best sushi everyday day, after while it sucks. — Jason Dorherty, on maintaining dating variety.

Even stray cats are giving you the finger because they know you can’t leave, but they can. — Richard, on being stuck in awful living arrangements.

Every woman is attracted to me, that’s not my problem, rather it’s those first 10-20 seconds where I say something to give them a reason not to be. — John C., discussing best practices with the ladies.

Filthy… filthy animals… yeah, they’re all just filthy animals. — Paul, MCAD security guard, offering unsolicited cultural insights about typical art students.

Go to charm school bitch. — Sara, expressing her displeasure with a snotty waitresses.

Green Lantern is the only superhero who can make a giant cue the shape of a dong to play pool with planets, and yet get his ass kicked by Sesame Street’s Big Bird because he’s allergic to the color yellow. — Cracked.com

Happiness is contagious. — Jason Dorherty, on loving what you do

He makes Ghostface Killah sound like W.E.B. DuBois. — Ryno, on NBA player Stephon Marbury.

He who controls the past controls the future, and whoever controls the present controls the past. — George Orwell

He’s got a look on his face like he’s smelling shit for the rest of his life. — LNG, on actor Bert Cooper.

Here you have to be part of the play. There, you can sit back and just watch the play. — Lisa Prescott, explaining the differences between living in San Francisco versus Los Angeles.

Hey, I’m all for family, I just don’t want to be in one. — LNG, on community.

Hey, listen, if it weren’t for mistakes in life some of us wouldn’t be here. — Bun

His false enthusiasm sucks the life right out you. — Chad, commenting on a co-worker’s attempt to build camaraderie among their staff.

Hoes In The City. — KJ, sharing his impressions of the T.V. series “Sex And The City”.

How many other negros you know are named Chauncy? And then you’re gonna let him go out and bust your ass too?! — LNG, on his distain of NBA player Chauncy Billups ability to lite up the opposition.

How objective is your reporting when it’s coming from a show call Inside Edition? — KJ, on Bill O’Reilly.

I believe life is constantly testing us for our level of commitment, and life’s greatest rewards are reserved for those who demonstrate a never-ending commitment to act until they achieve. This level of resolve can move mountains, but it must be constant and consistent. As simplistic as this may sound, it is still the common denominator separating those who live their dreams from those who live in regret. — Anthony Robbins

I can’t wait until grossly obese is in fashion. — Shawn C., sizing up the trendy bridge & tunnel scene in NYC.

I don’t have any demands, just don’t be a dickhead. — Richard

I don’t have enough pills for this hostel. — Sara, on her first night living in New York City.

I don’t know what cock-blocking is but it sounds funny. — Ingrid G.

I don’t mind them short, just not shorter than me. — Aga, on dating peferences while standing at 5′8″.

I don’t see the big deal, I date white women all the time. What’s freakier than that? — J. Storm, on interracial dating.

I don’t see what’s so cool about being a total fucking conformist? — Geoff, discussing a potential move to New York City.

I don’t usually drink Coke but it goes well with pizza. I figure if I’m going to eat shit, I might as well drink shit too. — Jamie Skillz

I hate hearing the term “big boned”, have you ever seen a fat skeleton?! — Sara

I have enough anxiety from a date let alone from being in a “relationship”, so I’m happily single at the moment. — Geoff, on freedom from stresses.

I know they’re from London, but they had that accent — y’know the one where they sound like they’re from the gutter. — Sara, on being approached by the local chaves.

I like Bitches! It’s all about the ‘A’ bro, ‘A’! — Brad Berling, talking about hisdating preferences.

I much rather pursue life through the passions of my imagination & heart than wince at the inevitable whims of doubt. — unknown

I never let schooling interfere with my education. — Mark Twain

I swear, nobody has any fucking museum manners around here. — Sara, assessing the atmosphere inside the MAD museum in NYC.

I think current gasoline prices are treasonous. I mean gas these days is more expensive than cocaine! — Chris Rock, comedian

I think it’s kinda boring, with people that work there making you feel uncomfortable even though they have just the same amount of money as you do. — Emma, referring to the stuffy climate over at Selfridges.

I was in a club last night and saw beach balls with arms there, which said a lot about their dress code. — Richard

I won’t hit a girl, but I’d slap a bitch! — Mr. Adams, offering to intervene on behalf of his girlfriend’s ….

I would be pissed if I wasn’t able to get health insurance for my lover of 3 years while a Britney Spears type can wed in Las Vegas in just a matter of minutes. Give gays the right to marry already. It’s not like they are going to wed in a Catholic church. There’s marriage in the eyes of the law, and there’s marriage in the eyes of the church. Only Satan-worshipping atheists like myself can get married in the church. — Chad, while disucssing conservative ideologies.

I’m bias because I don’t think. — Michael J. Godfrey, cleverly not answering a question regarding existentialism.

I’m creative… I will follow the rule and find a way to bend the hell out of it… because it’s fun. — Jason Dorherty, on being a graphic designer.

I’m going to be on this train line for the next 15 years so get used to seeing me, we’re going to be like family. — homeless man, while panhadling on the B train in NYC.

I’m going to live in the house, not have a bloody show-home. — Lydia, on screening for compatible flatmates.

I’m just a black Hispanic Jew. — LNG, on his culturally diverse view of life.

I’m not fucking stupid… I watch the movies. — Scotty, explaining his main source of insight on how to best sidestep potential serial killers.

I’m not going to walk into that trap of opinionated molasses. — Ulli

I’m off of egg whites, yogurt, roast beef and locks permanently. — Sara, on working for the adult industry.

I’m prejudice against prejudices! — LNG, discussing race relations in the United States.

I’m quite vain for someone insecure with their looks. — Tibisay

I’m trying to collect enough friends so I can have a birthday party this year. — Sara

If one person doesn’t hit the ground, then it’s not really a fight. But the one that drops first has to buy the first round. — Verna, on life in the Arizona desert.

If there is nothing to lose, no sacrifice, then there is nothing to gain. — unknown

If you don’t want to give me a cigarette then that’s okay, because I’m selfish too. — Random Stranger, In response to Bobby’s round-about response to give out a cigarette.

If you have no money, but happen to be really attractive then would you consider giving me a hug instead? — homeless man, offering options of charity while panhadling in the subway of NYC.

In a sense we all have to become historians taking notice of what’s happening in our localities and spread the word to other localities, we have to all become communicators to make up for what the mass media doesn’t do in order to spread the word and encourage people. — Howard Zinn, on unreported resistance.

It’s a zoo runned by clowns. — Scott R., describing life at the office.

It’s like having a black man in Grey Poupon. — J. Storm, on his first impressions of the Black-British accent.

It’s my bitch’s car! — Daidrian, answering a random female admirer’s inquiry after parking near a friends house.

It’s no good trying to keep up old friendships. It’s painful for both sides. The fact is, one grows out of people, and the only thing is to face it. — W. Somerset Maugham

It’s not like we’re asking stupid questions or anything, just want to know if we’re going to get laid is all. — Matto, while chatting up the birds in London.

It’s not shocking, it’s shit. And if you have to be shocking it means that you have no talent. — Emma, on Lady Gaga’s music.

It’s the stale-ass burger concept, and who wants that?! — Daidrian, offering insights on why it’s best to avoid dating bland people over and over again.

Jesus said nothing about the third cheek, he would have said something about that. — Eric Van Sensie

Let’s practice half an hour of critical thinking a day, please. — Jeff M.

Let’s save the pessimism for better times — Norman Solomon, from “Orwellian Media”.

Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself. — George Bernard Shaw

Looking dreadful waking up every morning telling themselves “yeah, I look good” when in actuality, no, you don’t. — Matto, on goths, jocks, wankers and general pricks about in London.

May you live everyday of your life. — Jonathan Swift

Maybe THINKING would be a good idea. — Joe Fickle, exasperatingly suggesting to some on how not to be considered one among the herded masses.

Me colored too! — The Autobiography of Malcom X, sign on the front of a Chinese resturant during one of the riots in Harlem during the 1960’s.

My, that’s some testicular fortitude you got there. — Eric Van Sensie, reffering to my attempt to obtain a working visa despite all the headaches involved.

Name your price in the beginning, and if it ever gets to be more expensive get out. — Dave Chappelle

Next to the atomic-bomb, I think karoake is the stupiest thing in the world. — Daniele

No, I just got a big penis. — J. Storm, on why he doesn’t need an ace up his sleeve.

No, it’s liquid wit, kinda like Dali fried eggs. — J. Storm, discussing liquid courage versus the concept of mircale bras.

Nothing says Friday like listening to a bunch of crap by Sarah Mac. — Ames, counting down until getting off of work for the weekend.

Now I’m just a bitter older man, sitting on the toilet seat of life with no tissue paper anywhere in sight. — LNG, reflecting on the journey of life.

Oh, and I’ll get a pair of high-heels me-self, we are English after all. — Richard, responding to a suggestion on getting a lover to wear high heels during sex.

Only after disaster can we be resurrected. — Tyler Durden

Pigeons are too confident here, you know? — Daniele, walking aorund Brick Lane.

Pinky swear, that’s all I can give you. — Bobby, on commitments.

Play the game for more than you can afford to lose; only then will you learn the game. — unknown

Really, I have never seen so many homeless people in my entire life until I visited America. — Jana, discussing her cultural observations while traveling arcoss the globe.

Right, the Catholics, ain’t that a schtick?! — Richard

She’s probably feeling guilty because she’s sleeping with the woman’s husband. — Ames, offering an explanation as to why a mistress would be willing help plan a birthday party for her lover’s spouse.

Shut yer yapper you dirty whore! — Lisa Lampanelli, talking trash ….

Smells like a teenager. — Yumi, trying to remember the name of a famous Nirvana song.

Stop, don’t hold it that way! Have you no appreciation for cancer?! — Bobby, Reacting to a friends mishandiing of a cigarette he had given out.

That summer was hell… I was sent to Dominican summer camp just across the street from Grandma’s. — Gregory, reflecting on memorable times with family.

That’s just MY opinion, but I can say that because I’m an artist. — Grant P, justifying why he can verbally rip into anything, anytime, anywhere.

That’s the point, aspiration figures never reflect the population. — Richard, discussing the gold statue recently made of Kate Moss.

The actions of men are the best interpreters of their thoughts. — John Locke, philosopher (1632-1704)

The only time I’m proud of my country is when the Yankees win the pennant. — LNG, on patriotism.

The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us. — Calvin, from “Calvin and Hobbes” by Bill Watterson.

The time to repair the roof is when the sun is shinning. — John F. Kennedy

The West won the world not by the superiority of its ideas or values or religion but rather by its superiority in applying organized violence. Westerners often forget this fact, non-Westerners never do. — Samuel P. Huntington

They realized you can’t make any money unless you can rip people off. — Robert C., discussing Yahoo!’s email privacy policy updates.

Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You. — unknown

Trying to get people to believe rubbish is a great way of being a designer. — Paul McNeil

Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are. — Kurt Cobain

We get along, I just hope to grow to love him. — Reynaldo, talking about his infant son with a nosey stranger.

We set ourselves limits, but we are all strong enough to aim higher, to achieve our goals. All we have to do is find such strength within ourselves. Know how to develop it. — Alain Robert, rock climber

What ever happens to those clouds we could still complain. — Richard

When people say they base their actions on their religious beliefs I tend to believe them since most religions are fucked up. — Jeff M.

When the student is ready the teacher will appear. — Buddisht Proverb

When you live in the ghetto you gotta believe in something. — LNG, in response to my question about how long he has been into science fiction.

Who gives a fuck about the audience, I just design for the sake of it. — Eleni, on her approach in composing effective brand strategies.

Who said you were entitled to count?! — Tibisay, discussing how to be a good hostess.

Who wouldn’t want to get paid to fuck all day long?! It’s just that most of us have a little dignity about it all. — Sara, on having employment standards.

Why don’t you just go into a room, look yourself in the mirror and go have a life with yourself. — Tibisay

Write to be understood, speak to be heard, read to grow. — Lawrence Clark Powell

Yeah, yeah, yeah, and I grab my crotch and cry. — LNG, typical reaction to common self-help T.V. commercials.

You can only be stupid for so long, at least for most people. — Tibisay

You can’t save our people if you can’t serve our people. You can’t lead our people if you don’t love our people. — Cornell West

You don’t need a map, you’re a male, you know how to work your way around it. — Richard

You got to have the ability to produce low lighting and chill music with no lyrics, or speak in a foreign language for him to close the deal. — J. Storm, on how one of his friends is able to score with the ladies.

You gotta have some dough to make some bread — Eric Van Sensie, disucssing his business plan.

You have to wait until you’re fully vindicated so that you’re right because that’s the moment when you cry. — Tibisay, on how to best serve the emotional beat down.

You see what happens when you get a little bit of education?! It fucks you up every time! — LNG, referring to his wife taking classes to learn French at the expense of her native English.

You see, I’m that black dude that knows more about hockey than you do. — KJ, educating a suburban hick at the stadium during a live ice hockey game about the sport.

You stereotype me sexually Jamie! — Lauren, on discussing our various dating preferences.

You think you’re hot shit in a champagne glass, but you’re really just cold diarrhea in a Dixie Cup. — The Monarch, in a “scared straight” parody epidsode on “Venture Brothers”.

You use lbs.? But… why?! — Miki, dumbfounded over the fact that Americans refuse to learn the metric system.

You’re going to get dicked in the ass, but at least you can control how far it goes in. — LNG, on handling disappointmet.

You’re… CRAZY KOOL! — John Wong, the master of half hearted praise.